Petersburgian Case File #8: Way Down in the Hole

Hailing from New York City (or as we cool natives call it NYC)* I was quite familiar with the concept of a subway system before I got here.

And people think it is difficult to use!

The metro system (see how sophisticated and European I sound now?) here, however,  is a good deal different from the one back home. First and foremost it is a lot smaller.

A tad simpler.

It is also significantly more beautiful than the NYC subway system and by significantly more beautiful I mean the stations are actually beautiful and not that they are simply beautiful compared to the NYC stations as that statement might simply imply that the stations are not filled with rats and graffiti.

First of all: not beautiful. Second of all I know this station and somebody has clearly retouched this photograph more than one would a model in a magazine

Holy fucking shit is that a subway station or some Persian prince's palace?!?

Can you tell which one is which? I'll give you a hint the New York one doesn't have massive intricately designed columns and chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Also the New York one has big English letters in the upper right hand corner so come on that was pretty much a freebie. The Petersburg system is also a lot more efficient than the one in New York - you never have to wait for a train more than 2 minutes. The only real downside of the Petersburg system is that the trains all seem to be conveniently located in the bowls of hell. Entering a train station is really only half the battle as you then have to get to the train itself often times located one, or two, or even three absurdly long escalators down. And, maybe I just haven't traveled during peak rush hours but what is really fascinating is that 99 out of every 100 people seem perfectly content to stand on these 3-5 minute escalators without ever thinking maybe I have somewhere to go and could start slowly walking so as to reach my destination within the next year or so.

I had immense difficulty finding any picture that gave a true approximation of the length of one of these.
Suffice to say it is damn long.

The deepest station is located a mere 105 meters underground. To give an approximation of that stand up at street level and if you are pretty tall (say about 6 feet) imagine the height of your body underground. Now imagine that multiplied over 57 times. And, of course, one has to repeat the escalator debacle going back out of the station. So a three minute train ride miraculously becomes a 15 minute one before your eyes. Its like magic!

...horrible, horrible magic

But at least I can call somebody to complain - cursing everyone around me in my secret language: English. Strangely/wonderfully enough, even though we are so deep underground, cell phones seem to work in the subways - which is a lot more than can be said of the NYC ones. Hell my TMobile service seems to break down pretty much anywhere with walls let alone underground. My theory is that the subways are located so deep underground that they are almost at the surface, on the other side of the world. Most of my friends with any knowledge of science seem to strongly argue against that hypothesis citing some b.s. about magma and the earth's core that I am sure is in the same realm of big wig mumbo-jumbo they use to try and confuse people into thinking we "descended" from monkeys. So I ask you dear reader to please keep your ears open and on the ready at all times. Next time I am in the subway, to test out my little hypothesis, I will try to yell as loudly as I can. You might not be able to see Russia from your house, but maybe you'll be able to hear it.

Clearly it is the other way around I mean for the love of god have you turned on MTV in the last decade?!?

* "The City", "The Big Apple", "The City That Never Sleeps" and, of course, "I don't give a shit what any official government document says if you are from Staten Island you are not from New York!"