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Ah bureaucracy. I think it was Humphrey Bogart who first called bureaucracy the stuff dreams are desecrated of but they changed it in the final script because it didn't sound all too catchy.

Cause that's what the kids crave in these hip, fresh blogs they read - really shitty jokes on quotes from films of the early 1940s..."Fuck yeah! You tell 'em!" I can already hear teenagers all around the globe screaming.

Bureaucracy in every country is a pain in the ass. In Russia it is likewise a pain in the ass if said pain was preceded by two colonoscopies in a row.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS BUY SOME STAMPS!

One would imagine after the ridiculous ordeal getting here* everything would be a little smoother once they were finally in Russia. One would imagine incorrectly. One has to carry a copy of their passport and visas with them at all times. Almost any task that carries with it even the whiff of something slightly official, no matter how seemingly inconsequential, requires your original passport. Which in some cases is perfectly understandable - fraud and things of that nature are fairly common here so it makes sense that rules are strict for our own protection (I'm not here to scream about how everything should be completely libertarian). In other cases, however...not so much.

No Paul I'm not going to revert to the gold standard!*
*I'll just invest all of my earnings purely in gold and once all monetary systems collapse I'll be rich! Rich I tell you!

The one that really got my goat was the process for getting a library card for our university. Seems simple enough doesn't it? You are a student in a school so you go to the school's library, show your normal school identification and are given a card for the library (while, preferably, being complimented on how studious you are and given a cute little spiel about how kids are not hard workers anymore like they used to be). If only. Instead you have to fill out and sign two separate slips of paper, go to a specific bank about 3/4ths of a kilometer from the university, give them said slips of paper (along with a strangely specific nominal fee of 54 rubles - about a $1.70), be told that you have to provide your passport and visa along with the pieces of papers, take out copies of your passport and visa, be told that they can only be the originals and you have to come back the next day, and leave the bank with the exciting prospect of getting to do all of that again tomorrow. Can anyone explain to me why my passport is needed to get a library card? What possible grand schemes of fraud might I commit after impersonating someone so as to pay $1.70 to get their university-specific library card? This is why people plagiarize. These are the sorts of things illiteracy is born from. (I have to do what to get a library card? Just pour me another drink and teach my how to hold a hat while you play a tambourine on the streets - I just don't give a shit anymore.) 

This show is nothing but a crazed, delusional utopia!

But, alas, I am studious, I have a resolve, I'll, begrudgingly, go back to the bank in the near future and try again but, honestly, if there is another problem I'll just go ahead and stick to wikipedia.


*Having to get an invitation from a university, having to fill out a visa form then ship it off with said invitation and your passport, as well as your blood work to show you are HIV negative. Paying an exuberant fee to get said visa (about $220 to get it within 12 business days and $330 to expedite it to 4 business days). Getting only a single entry visa and then having to have it switched to a multi-entry visa once you entry the country. Having to once again provide HIV-negative blood work this time to the university you are studying at. You though there was going to be something funny here didn't you? You though Oh Ian always leaving a cute little tidbit for us at the end of the post so just when we think it is done there is one more piece of delightful humor awaiting us. What a swell fellow he is! And then this is what you get. You know why? Because there is nothing funny about bureaucracy. It takes up time, it takes up money, it takes up my will to live and a pox on all who are directly or indirectly involved with it! THERE SHALL BE NO MORE HUMOR UNTIL I DON'T HAVE TO CANCEL ALL MY PLANS FOR THE DAY IF I WANT TO GO TO THE DMV - YOU HEAR THAT WORLD LEADERS?!? NO MORE!**

**Oh I could never stay mad at you, my dear, meek, loyal, trusted reader. The leaders knew that, that's why they called my bluff and oh, much to my chagrin, I folded immediately. I apologize for my behavior (and simultaneously attempt to placate you) with the following picture.

That is so ridiculously adorable. I don't even remember what I was talking about anymore but who the hell could care cause I mean come on look at it. It is a cat covered in red ribbon! What more could you want?